originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{fair enough.    there’s that urge again to confiscate the booze :   and,   again,   he doesn’t follow through.    smokes in slow,   practiced drags,   shoulders twitching in a shrug.}

_{‘     lawyers ain’t  free,   bullet.     ’}

_{but he leaves it at that.    leaves out the part about hourly rates and flat fees and how easy it would be to rack up a solid  thirty - five grand  in debts.    caroline doesn’t work family court,   as far as he knows ;   the best she might be able to offer is a recommendation.    he doesn’t have that kind of money.}

_{‘     —    look,   you don’t gotta worry about all that.    i’m takin’ care of it,   alright ?    you know how we do.     ’}

_{she’s  almost  polished it off.    a couple more swallows and the bottle will be empty.    surprised he hasn’t taken it from her yet.    willing to bet he’s barely holding himself back.}

_{somehow,  that makes her feel better.    takes another swig before setting the king cobra down between her feet.    one arm secures around the front of her abdomen,  the opposite elbow perched on her knee.    resists  asking how much it’ll cost because she doesn’t particularly need to know how much of a goddamn inconvenience she is,  monetarily.} 

_{“     i ain’t worried.     ”     mockingly.     “     you ain’t havin’ second thoughts about this ?    ‘cause i would be.    taking in some  street rat  like me   –––   that ain’t self - pity either,   ‘fore you get it twisted.    i’m just sayin’.     ”}

originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{‘     yo,   whatever    —    i got  mad  respect for them  catfishin’ kings !    ain’t no better way to kick back than with some high quality noodlin’.     ’       she’s still on probation for recording over an episode with  my cat from hell.       ‘     oh,   don’t  even.    i look like i’m try’na get hitched anytime soon ?    if homegirl wants another round,   she’s got my number.     ’}

_{“     high quality,  my ass !    nothin’  about that TV is high quality !    ‘n i can think of seven different ways right off the top of my head t’ kick back ‘n relax that ain’t got shit t’ do with  noodlin’.     ”     scoffs,  brow arched as she sizes him up.     “     doubt it.    you’re probably all  talk  when it comes down to puttin’ yo’ money where yo’ mouth is.     ”}

skintheft    _{*  cody.}

@junkyardteen.

            it scraped its brittle hair back because it kept sticking to their shoulders. wet, wet october day, october kind of weather, the kind of cold that made a newscaster on fox say that global warming is a myth. it wrings the edge of its shirt out over elliot alderson’s sink and twists to look back over its shoulder.

            ‘ where did ‘bullet’ come from? ’

it’s who she is.    and a lot more fitting than rachel.    coined from the  bullet  hanging off a chain around her neck that reminds her of what she stands for,  and  against.    she has a story.    (    everyone does.    )    she passes a glance before continuing to ferret around for a light.

“     …  ––  just a name,  yo.    gotta let these punk pussy bitches know who they’re  messin’  with,  you feel me ?     ”

originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{less  reminder,   more  suggestion    —    he won’t tell her that she  has  to talk to them,   but he knows they won’t stop calling until she does.    calling  his  phone,   no less,   and usually while he’s on the clock.       ‘     i ain’t worried.     ’       half - truth.    if she keeps this up,   keeps trying to numb herself into another comatose stupor,   court is going to be the  least  of their problems.}

_{not that he doesn’t relate to the compulsion,   because he does.    more than he’d like to.    (   this isn’t fucking NA.    they’re not swapping  war stories.    )}

_{‘     i gotta swing by the DA’s office  mañana,   see if we can do this thing pro bono.    save me dippin’ into that 401k to cover all them  legal fees  ‘n whatnot.     ’}

_{she wants numb.    but also wants  normal.    normal as in no more  nightmares  and no more paranoia and no more looking over your shoulder.    tight chest and cold lungs and spotted vision and the inability to escape your own skin.}    

_{if she keeps this up,  maybe it won’t happen as  bad  or as often and maybe everyone will stop trying to help someone that isn’t willing to accept it.     “     bullshit.    you wouldn’t be here otherwise.     ”     she takes another pull.    exhales and swallows a mouthful of cobra.    fights down the second wave of nausea threatening to pitch it back up.}

_{“     uppity  bitches.    what  kinda  fuckin’ fees ?     ”}

originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{bullshit.    but if she doesn’t want to get into it,   he’s not about to push her.    at least she’s not scheduled to meet with her PO today.    he lights a cigarette,   hesitates before he gives her one.       ‘     —    your pops called twice yesterday.    says you ain’t been pickin’ up,   wants to know how you’re doin’,   blah,   blah.    you know you gotta talk to ‘em  sometime  if you’re gonna file that petition.     ’}

_{eyes the cigarette he offers like she doesn’t know what to do with it at first,  then takes it from him.    lights up,  inhaling poison,  partly wishing it’d kill her  faster,  partly wishing it wouldn’t kill her at all.     “     ––  …     ”     she told him not to do that.     “     you ain’t gotta  remind  me.    i’ll talk to him when i talk to him.    don’t worry.    haven’t forgotten my whole fuckin’  life’s  in the court’s grubby hands.     ”}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     damn,   bullet.    the  hell  you been watchin’ when i ain’t around ?    out here talkin’ ‘bout  maid outfits  ‘n  tight spaces    —    don’t  make  me cut off that cable,   li’l man,   i ain’t breakin’ the bank just so you can get your freak on.     ’       anyone listening in might actually think he was being serious.       ‘     and i hate to  deconstruct  your,   uh,   your  fantasy  there,   but blondie was a one - time thing anyway.     ’}

_{❛     whatever the hell i want !    better than watchin’ some fool get  elbow - deep  in a catfish.     ❜     has her reservations but never said she wouldn’t look  twice  if someone like holder’s nameless blonde one - night - stand walked past in a sleazy costume.     ❛     uh - huh.    who you try’na convince ?    ‘cause it smells like bullshit from where i’m standing.    you’re too  old  t’ hit it ‘n quit it,  yo !     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     it ain’t like that.    all i gotta do is sign a few papers,   talk to a judge    —    look,   it’s better than lettin’ some … social worker or whoever decide where you end up,   you know,   least this way you got  some  control.     ’}

_{there’s still a chance that the whole process could be dragged out.    weeks,   maybe months,   with multiple hearings,   paperwork,   interviews ;   assuming  both  of her parents agree to it in the first place.    once the initial petition is filed,   the court assigns someone impartial to investigate    —    a  guardian ad litem,   someone to verify that granting him custody is in bullet’s best interest.}

_{caroline talked shop,   sometimes.    he could absorb information like osmosis if he listened.    he knows a hearing isn’t the same as a trial,   no witnesses,   no  grand jury,   but lawyers always have a habit of airing dirty laundry.    that’s why people are  prepped  before they walk into a courtroom.}

_{he tips his head back,   levels out a long,   heavy sigh that seems to come  all the way  up from the ground beneath his feet.    palms his chin,   unshaven,   and reaches to pull out a cigarette he doesn’t light.}

_{then,   the ghost of a smile.}

_{‘     besides,   who says i’m throwin’ it away,   huh ?    ‘bout  time  i started lookin’ for an upgrade,   see,   ‘cause i was thinkin’    —    what,   like,   two bedrooms,   two bathrooms,   eat - in kitchen,   maybe a balcony.    gotta cut back on all that  indoor smoking,   yo,   for real.    whole place smells like a damn ashtray.     ’}

_{❛     nothing’s that  easy,  yo.     ❜     or,  maybe she’s just refusing to believe that a court is going to rule in favour of an addict and some  junkyard bitch.  doesn’t want to get her hopes up too high,  again,  only to come barreling down at one - hundred miles per hour and shattering.}

_{she tells herself to be optimistic.    to have faith in him like he had in her.    the doctor said that the likelihood of her recovering at full capacity  lessened  with every passing day    (    anoxic brain injury,  level three,  no meaningful response and no voluntary activities,    )    and yet here she stands,  firing on all cylinders,  just like he said.    you don’t know bullet.    and he was right.    she’s too stubborn to give up without a fight,  even subconsciously.}

_{❛     a balcony ?    p’ft.    sounds like some upperclass shit t’ me.    you want a white picket fence,  too ?     ❜}

_{holder’s place isn’t anywhere close to the four seasons,  and that’s just how she likes it.    doesn’t mind living in a hole in the wall apartment where she’s free to come and go as she pleases,  or having to sleep on the couch.    she hasn’t had a bed in three years    (    the cheap,  springy mattresses at beacon home don’t count    )    and can’t recall a time where that even mattered.    it was all part of the  struggle.}

_{she prefers practical and conventional to  idealistic.    the couch that might as well have her name sewn into the leather is both of those things.    and also really comfortable.}

_{❛     the hell you need an  eat - in kitchen  for if you ain’t even gonna be  in  it ?    your ass  stays  workin’ those three day long shifts.    you’re gonna come back one night ‘n catch me eatin’  DVDs  ‘n drinkin’ my tears    ––––    !     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     yeah,   no  shit.     ’       there’s no way to predict the kind of state she’ll be in from one day to the next ;   he’s still coming to terms with that.    (   has to resist snatching the bottle out of her hands and pitching it against the fucking pavement.   )       ‘     ‘cause i ain’t in the mood to  give  one.    somethin’ happen i should know about  ?     ’}

_{scoffs,  turning up the bottle for another swallow of malt and then shaking her head.     ❛     not a thing.     ❜     nausea makes her vision warp and when she  hiccups,  what comes up is foul.    booze and stomach acid.    spits the taste out of her mouth and wipes it with the sleeve of her jacket.    isn’t interested in holding conversation.}