_{bullet’s phone :   instagram.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     i think it’s a little more complicated than just fillin’ out a form.    you gotta file a petition,   sign an affidavit,   go to court    —    and they look into  everything,   i mean,   you gotta have  all  your shit handled.    gotta be financially stable,   goin’ to school,   blah,   blah.    plus,   they’re gonna want you t’  prove  it’s your only option.    like,   you know    —    like by  not  granting emancipation,   you’d be put in harm’s way ‘n whatnot.    probably get’cha for fraud if you lie about it.     ’}

_{he can see the appeal,   in theory,   but nothing is ever so simple.    she’s turning sixteen in a couple of weeks ;    two years after that and she’ll be a legal adult.    two years that might feel more like two  DECADES  from where she’s standing.    what she’s asking for is a quick fix,   a way to keep doing exactly what she’s doing with no one but herself to answer to,   and a  quick fix  doesn’t exist.    (   she still doesn’t trust him.    not completely.    he gets that,   too.    it won’t keep him from trying to earn back that trust,   no matter how long it takes.   )}

_{there’s no edge in his tone,   no subtext.    what you see is what you get.}

_{‘     yo,   if that’s what you really want,   i’ll sign what i gotta sign.    but,   uh,   now might be a good time to start lookin’ at the alternatives,   you feel me ?     ’}

_{she doesn’t ask  ‘ what’s an affidavit ’  because she thinks it must be just common knowledge.    has a general  idea  but nothing concrete,  nothing  definitive,  which says a lot about the  extent  of her understanding.    weight shifts from foot to foot,  a sharp breath drawn through the nose as her gaze dips and then rises.    of  course  they’re going to make it as difficult as possible to earn your freedom.}

_{why wouldn’t they ?}

_{❛     what the hell are you  talkin’  about ?    what kinda alternatives ?     ❜}

_{before  beacon home  was shut down,  runaways were discovering new options.    emancipation and housing with a small deposit of two - hundred dollars    (    which seemed like a fortune to kids who sold their own  asses  for fifteen bucks per date.    )    bullet never entertained them because she was content to be on the streets.    her probation officer stressed the importance of short and long term goals,  but all of that was just  noise  to a fifteen year old who enjoyed the day by day challenge.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     you really think i’d let ‘em do that ?    you ain’t done nothin’ illegal    —    nothin’ they need to  know  about.    i ain’t lettin’ these fools come up in my dojo with their spit - shined hush puppies try’na  lay down the law.    besides    —    doc’s actually gotta cross her i’s ‘n dot her t’s first.    nobody said we can’t still give ‘em hell.     ’}

_{and this isn’t just him making promises he won’t be able to keep :   he means what he says.    there are always loopholes.    he’d go as far as paying a visit to the DA’s office,   if it comes to that.    (   caroline doesn’t have to like him,   but she’s enough of a professional to know this isn’t  ABOUT  him.    this is about trying to do right by a kid who deserves better than what she’s got.   )}

_{he straightens up from where he’s been leaning against the car,   arms uncrossing to tuck his hands in his pockets and level her gaze.    no  shit  she’s angry.}

_{‘     you ain’t goin’ to no  group home.    i don’t care  what  CPS says.     ’}

_{maybe she has,  maybe she  hasn’t.    maybe they’ll place her and maybe they won’t.    maybe he can  sway  the court to rule in her  personal interest,  but maybe he can’t,  and the gravity of being in a situation where she has no  control  is a ten - ton weight crushing her chest.}

_{she doesn’t know  what  to think,  because one of the last times she had faith in him,  she was found brushing death in the trunk of a car.    and pieces of her still  resent  him for that.    pieces that are bitter and angry and raw.    pieces that she’s  plugged in  to make herself whole again and she can’t risk abandoning that.}

_{it shouldn’t come as a surprise that bullet has maintained a careful distance from the prospect of  trust.    not just with him,  but with  anyone.    (    every time someone thinks they made headway,  there’s another minefield to cross.    )}

_{the toe of a boot scuffs the ground,  rolling a piece of gravel underfoot.    she takes one last pull,  flicking the cigarette between thumb and middle finger into the street.}

_{❛     think we can file for emancipation or whatever ?     ❜}

_DEADHUNGER.

_{‘     yeah ?    was she any good ?     ’       he can practically  see  the look letha would give him for that.    shoulders roll in a shrug,   arms folded,   he’s got raised brows and a whole wide world of time to kill.       ‘     incredible.    you shiv me in the fucking throat and suddenly  I’M  the asshole.    what kind of next level bullshit    –––––––     ’}

_{❛     ain’t nothin’ t’ write  home  about.    heard yo’ momma was a freak,  though !     ❜     there’d be  blood  on the pavement if she was spitting this kind of trash talk to anyone else.    girlfriends,  mothers.    off - limits,  unless you’re asking to get decked in the mouth.     ❛     the hell’d you expect ?    wasn’t gonna let some creepy mammoth punk me in an  alley !    got what was comin’ to ya,  asswipe.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     i don’t give a shit  how  you dress,   as long as you  show.     ’        he’s hedging,   because he doesn’t have an answer :   not with any real certainty.    when he signed on the dotted line,   the terms and conditions of guardianship were  TEMPORARY.    pending recovery,   blah,   blah.}

_{it really depends on your definition of recovery.}

_{but he wants to see her in a group home about as much as she wants to  be in  one    —    so he’ll fight it,   if he has to.    bend the rules.    work the system.    even if all that does is buy her a little more time.}

_{‘     look,   uh    —    if you wanna stick around,   we’ll stall ‘em,   alright ?    tell ‘em some sob story about bed - rest ‘n whatnot.    ain’t gonna let anybody  snatch your ass up,   don’t you worry ‘bout that.     ’}

_{❛    good.    ‘cause i don’t got a suit.     ❜     humourless,  dry as the fucking  sahara.    breathes smoke into her lungs and tries not to imagine what  life  is going to be like on the inside.    (    group home is just another synonym for a three year  prison  sentence.    )}    

_{she doesn’t want her name to be spoken of in pity.    another kid picked up off the street.    forced to abandon the lifestyle and surrender the  freedom.    her  bones  don’t ache like they used to and her body bears  scars  in place of bruises and contusions,  but recovered means of sound mind and health.    nothing about her is sound.}

_{❛     bullshit.    you can’t  stall ‘em  forever.    soon as the doc  signs off  on it,  they’re gonna slam - dunk my ass in the system ‘n that’s gonna be it.     ❜     her chest tightens with a familiar swell of displaced  anger.     ❛     they can’t tell me what t’ fuckin’ do.    screw that !    ‘n screw them.    they think they’re doin’ the world some kinda service when they’re really jus’  ruining  our goddamn lives !     ❜}

STOP ERASING AUDREY JENSEN’S SEXUALITY NOT EVERY WOMAN WHO SHOWS INTEREST IN ANOTHER WOMAN IS A LESBIAN STOP INVALIDATING HER SEXUALITY AND THE SEXUALITY OF OTHERS YOU COMPLETE FUCKING WALNUTS

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     mama dips is waitin’ on those  conjugal privileges.    don’t tell nobody.     ’}

_{speaking of old hags.    there’s a quick pause for effect ;   he shrugs,   nods,   flicking away his finished cigarette and watching it spark briefly against the pavement.}

_{‘     keep ‘em  scared,   keep ‘em controlled.    that ain’t nothin’ new.     ’       but it’s still something to consider.    he finally surrenders the pack,    with an addendum.       ‘     hey,   uh    —    don’t forget,   CPS is comin’ by first thing friday morning.    make sure i don’t got’cha chained to the radiator eatin’  bread crusts  or whatever.    and your ass  better  show up for this,   bullet.    clean ‘n sober.    you feel me ?     ’}

_{❛     wrap it ‘fore you  tap it,  playa.     ❜}

_{anxious to get that  nicotine  fix,  she seizes the pack and strikes it against the heel of her palm    (    once then twice,  three times    )    before peeling off the cellophane wrap.    can always tell by the  smell  if the cigarettes have been sitting on the shelves for too long.    these are fresh.}

_{pulls one out and fishes in her pockets for a light.    ignores the mention of  CPS  until her lungs are full of  smoke  and she’s feeling light.    airy on the buzz,  the rush of chemicals and toxins and whatever else is in these things.     ❛     you want me  dressed t’ the nines,  too ?    fuck.    i’m not gonna  forget.    think they’re  finally  gonna snatch my ass up ‘n put me in a group home ?     ❜}

_{she plays it off,  but the  last  thing bullet needs is to be uprooted from home    (    or rather,  the closest she has to one that isn’t just an old,  stained mattress in an abandoned building.    not ideal,  but it’s better than weathering the bitter cold this upcoming winter.    a lot better,  actually.    )}

_DEADHUNGER.

_{‘     that’s never really been my issue.     ’       1 - 800 - did she fucking ask ?    if he was chewing gum,   this is probably the part where he’d crack it between his  teeth    —    teeth that look deceptively  NORMAL  today.    pearly white.    nice and straight and  human.    for now.       ‘     hey,   i’m just returning what’s yours.    who pissed in your cornflakes this morning ?     ’}

_{❛     yeah,  whatever.    you ain’t packin’  shit  down them ugly - ass fuckin’  wranglers.    ‘s the reason yo’ lady was slummin’ it with  me  last night !     ❜     and a cornucopia of mental ailments that she  refuses  to consciously acknowledge.    she’s baiting him.    or in other words,  lying through her teeth.     ❛     i don’t fuckin’ like cornflakes,  ‘n i don’t fuckin’ like  you,  either.    back up off me,  dick.     ❜}