_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     well maybe if you ate a little more  greens  ‘n a little less  processed cholesterol with a side of diabetes,   you’d be on my level.    ’}

_{❛     man,  whatever !    i was in a freakin’ coma for weeks ‘n bein’ fed through one of them  tubes  ‘n you still gonna harp on me about my diet ?    that ain’t even  right,  yo.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     do what you gotta do,   bullet.     ’       cigarette flicked away as he starts down the street.    if he’s surprised at the way she’s still dogging at his heels,   he doesn’t show it.    what she does on her own time is out of his hands,   but that’s hard to reconcile with the part of him that feels  responsible.       ‘     yup.    caught a case and the new LT’s been ridin’ my ass about all that  pied piper  paperwork.    like linden says    —    clock never stops.     ’}

_{feels like she should say something,  but can’t find the right words.    maybe there  aren’t  any  right words.    maybe there’s just  white noise,  transmitted into a half - assed explanation that doesn’t even make sense.     ❛     what’s the case ?    you got any juicy details ?     ❜     she shouldn’t be asking,  but she does it anyway,  prying  for information with her fingers crossed that he’ll forget about the money.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     just ‘cause you  said it  don’t make it true.     ’       he has forty on him,   twenties and tens.    he knows she’ll need more before the week is out    —    especially if she isn’t taking hand - outs from  dad  anymore.    fully expecting to regret it,   he gives her a twenty.       ‘     go get shit - drunk or whatever the hell it is you’re spendin’ this on.    i got places to be.     ’}

_{he’s right.    and she’s willing to  bet  he knows that,  more than he’s letting on.    hesitates before snatching the bill out of his hand and shoving it in her pocket,  head down.    she can’t look him in the eye when she’s milking his paycheck for booze and drugs.    makes her feel like  shit.     ❛     it ain’t like that.     ❜     but it is.     ❛     …  you goin’ t’ work ?     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     what,   you actually tried callin’ ‘em ?    and he didn’t pick up ?     ’       it could be the truth.    or,   just as easily,   it could be a load of bullshit.    wouldn’t be the first time she pulled some kind of quick and dirty  manipulation tactic  on him.    (   but if she wants to get loaded,   she’ll find a way    —    with or without his help.   )       ‘     if i find out you’re makin’ this up,   i will  beat  your skinny ass,   you feel me ?     ’}

_{❛     that’s what i said,  ain’t it ?    ❜     and it wouldn’t be far from the truth,  if she had actually picked up the phone and dialed.    (    or maybe it would have been a stretch.    she wouldn’t know because she hasn’t bothered to give anyone a call,  least of all her overbearing parents.     )     ❛     give it to me or don’t,  yo.    i ain’t got  time  to pinky swear.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{it’s admirable,   how these kids protect each other.    he can respect that level of loyalty,   even if it rides his last nerve on a  good  day.    but that’s mostly when it impedes an investigation,   when they’re so averse to authority figures of any kind that they’d rather clam up than  step  up.    it makes sense,   in some ways.    in a lot of ways.    most of them don’t have anyone in this whole miserable world except each other.    they’re runaways,   drop - outs,   addicts,   black sheep.    criminals,   some of them,   but not the kind of criminals he has any interest in putting away.    kids who are guilty of nothing more terrible than trying to survive.}

_{she has to hold onto that.    he wouldn’t expect any less.}

_{‘     suit yourself.    nobody’s in trouble,   alright ?    ain’t gonna catch me  trollin’ your crib  lookin’ to make an arrest.    just be safe out there.     ’}

_{an overused sentiment that’s started tasting faintly  metallic  on his tongue.    there  is  no  ‘ safe ’  for her,   for any of them.    they can be tough as nails and more street - smart than most  adults  and it still won’t be enough.    they’re still easy prey.    low hanging fruit for pieces of shit like goldie and joe mills.} 

_{people like skinner.}

_{on a whim,   he sets down the stress ball and opens one of his desk drawers.    pulls out an evidence bag with a silver and turquoise ring inside.    the ring kallie was wearing.}

_{she might not want it now.    but that’s her call to make.}

_{he leans forward to reach over,   set it down in front of her on linden’s desk.       ‘     —    figured you oughta be the one who decides what to do with that.     ’}

_{safe.    what is  ‘ safe ’ ?    used to think it was just having a roof over your head at night,  or someplace warm to lay your head when the bitter winter chill sinks into your bones and starves your lungs of oxygen.    (    it gets so  cold  in seattle.    )    she thought having a tight knit group of friends and knowing how to pick your battles,  knowing when to back down and when not to,  would keep her  safe.    that a strong right hook and a loud  voice  would ward off danger.    and if not,  she could at least  scare them off.    she used to be good at that.    ‘ safe ’  used to be street - smart.}

_{her perspective has changed.    she doesn’t feel  safe  very often.    in her dreams,  she’s being hunted.    the recurring nightmares of being trapped and caged like a wild animal are getting worse.    she always wakes up  feral,  with the taste of blood  souring  on her tongue.}    

_{the  outside world  isn’t much better.    and yet,  bullet would still choose living on the streets to the white picket american dream home.    it’s who she is.    ❛     i don’t go lookin’ for trouble.    you ain’t gotta worry ‘bout that.     ❜     but she’ll find it    (    because hanging around  poochie  is bound to attract worse company.    )}

_{she doesn’t look at him right away.    too occupied scrolling through the images on her phone of lyric and twitch.    kids she used to roll with,  some of whom she hasn’t seen since shit hit the fan.    avoids the ones of kallie until she catches a glimpse of the picture she’d taken,  three days before she went missing.    she looked  happy.    chucking up that peace sign and smiling.    laughing.    bullet smiles back.}

_{vision begins to blur around the peripherals and she has to force herself to hold back,  beat down  that grief and pocket her phone.    an inhale through the nose,  gaze flitting up to meet holder’s before something catches her eye.}    

_{the ring she’d planned to give to lyric.    kallie had offered to hold onto it.    keep it safe from thieving kids at beacon.}

_{her throat suddenly feels tight and she wants to get up and leave,  pretend they’d  never  had this conversation.    she’d been doing well at keeping her emotions stunted,  refusing to let herself feel that pain out of fear it may never  stop.    but now she has to face it,  head on.    taking that ring,  knowing exactly what to do with it,  means having to  accept  that kallie is gone.    she isn’t ready for that.    not yet.}

_{❛     can you,  uh   –––   can you keep it ?    y’ know.    got somewhere t’ be ‘n i don’t wanna  lose it  or nothin’.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{go figure    —    she smells like a fucking dive bar.    flame sparks as he lights up a cigarette.       ‘     you  lyin’  to me right now ?    if you’re  hungry,   i’ll pick somethin’ up.    i ain’t’cha damn ATM machine.     ’}

_{she keeps a level head.    surprising,  taking into account the fact that he’s the only source of  income  she has at the moment.    on second thought,  though,  hustling  some unsuspecting  sap  might have taken less time.     ❛     dad ain’t been answerin’ my  calls.    he used t’ send me money whenever i needed it,  but i guess he’s all bent outta shape about this…  custody  bullshit.    whatever.    forget it.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     what happened to those  five bills  i gave you friday night ?    what,   you blow through all that on double cheeseburgers ?    don’t  play  me,   bullet.     ’       @junkyardteen.}

_{booze happened.    a little bit of pot.    poochie isn’t handing out  freebies  anymore.    treats her like clientele.     ❛     the hell is this,  an interrogation ?    girl’s gotta eat,  yo !    just le’me get  fifteen  ‘n i’ll be outta your hair.     ❜    and back again in forty - eight hours.     ❛     ––––    c’mon,  man.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     naw,   for real !    yo,   check my medical records !    ain’t even caught the  sniffles  since ronald  reagan  was sittin’ in the oval office.    you don’t gotta be jealous.    it ain’t a good color on you.    ’}

_{❛     you’re so full of shit.    nobody’s  immune system is  that good  in this cold ‘n rainy  hellscape  of a city.    ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     i don’t  catch  colds.    matter of fact,   i don’t get sick.    immune system’s like  alcatraz    —    ain’t nothin’ gets past these walls.   my body’s my temple.     ’}

_{❛     you  hear  that ?    sounds like a crock of bullshit.    bet yo’ no alka seltzer - havin’ ass won’t be sayin’ that shit when you’re laid up in bed soundin’ like a clogged  drain.     ❜}