matthewlillard:

^{1/∞ favorite female characters on tv}

^{↳ Bullet | The Killing}

originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{she looks about as bad as she probably feels,   and it sends a cartwheel of visceral  worry  through the pit of his stomach.    tries to think of a time since they met that he’s seen her with a little color in her cheeks,   real color,   not pale and sick like she’s perpetually an inch away from the flu.    she has dark circles around her eyes the shade of bruises,   hollows under her cheekbones in certain light.    she’s just shy of her sixteenth birthday.    she shouldn’t look this fucking  sad.}

_{he’s expecting that second wave but isn’t prepared when it hits,   and it’s taking all of his self - control not to offer some kind of comfort.    staying there beside her is the best he can do,   saying  i’m here  without saying anything.    the best he can do is wait it out with her.}

_{words almost lost in a ragged exhale catch him off balance    —    or,   more specifically,   that one word.    HOME.    it takes him a second to realize what she means.    takes a minute longer for the  weight  of that realization to sink in.    the significance.    even in this state,   she wouldn’t have said what she said if he hadn’t been doing  something  right.    it speaks to the cautious hope that maybe they’ll be okay ;   maybe they can pull this off.}

_home.

_{‘     —    alright.    think you can make it to the car ?     ’}

_{it’s parked maybe half a block from the overpass,   but moving hoover dam to fucking connecticut feels less complicated right now.}

_{the  real colour  was siphoned out of her the night kallie went missing and she still hasn’t found a way to  cope  with that loss apart from drinking herself numb,  but even that is beginning to feel like a cop - out.    doesn’t miss the feeling of  feeling  until she remembers the  good  times she had with kallie and all those memories of the girl with the gentle eyes and strawberry blonde hair and freckles and little star earrings    ––––    the girl she loved.}

_{she looks sad because lately she always is.    grief doesn’t let you go easy.    misses  feeling  when it’s good,  avoids it when it’s bad    (    which is all the time because she won’t let kallie go and  refuses  to listen to her fucking therapist when she tells her that it’s time to start moving on.    )}

_{it got better and then it got worse.}

_{drags in a breath and swallows,  grimacing,  pausing before she answers with a weak     “     yeah,     ”     and a small nod.    gravel crunches underfoot as she pushes herself up to stand,  barely keeping herself vertical.}

_{her limbs feel like stones and her head is spinning,  vision warping,  and she thinks she might  vomit  if she keeps her eyes open too long.    jerks a shoulder preemptively in case he tries to assist,  then nearly topples when reaching down to pick up her knapsack.    a humourless laugh,  and she’s back on the ground with her head between her knees waiting for the world to stop pirouetting around like a tilt - a - whirl.}

freeguilt    _{*  ravi.}

_{‘     they  fired  me,   can you believe it ?    me.    the most promising,   and  best - looking young doctor in my respective field.    oh,   and don’t get me started on the iconic  vaccine debate,   you’ll be here all morning.     ’}

_{well into the afternoon,   too,   most likely.    he’s revving up to dismantle max rager’s entire commercial appeal   —   mindful of skirting the big ‘z’ word,   naturally   —   but then she says  full - on  and his heart takes a leap against his adam’s apple.    full - on zombie mode,   liv calls it.    all that within a couple of panicked seconds as the teacup he’s holding shatters tragically at his feet.    fantastic.}

_{deep,   cleansing breaths.}

_{‘     that’s   —   that’s precisely what i’m talking about.    highly,   ah  …  adverse  effects,   primarily when mixed with utopium.    i wouldn’t recommend it.    in fact,   i wouldn’t recommend their energy drinks at all.    corporate greed.    loads of scandal.    the makings of a good reality show but hardly the kind of business model any self - respecting consumer can stand behind.     ’}

_{“     did’ja contaminate somethin’ with ebola ?     ”     she isn’t serious.    or maybe she is.    fully expecting him to take offence regardless,  with  something  along the lines of  ‘  what an absurd accusation !  ’  because that’s just ravi.}

_{what she  didn’t  expect is the  teacup incident,  which might have raised a few  eyebrows  if anyone else has been around to witness it.    that  wasn’t just  ravi.    (    she knows because all this medical stuff takes careful precision and a steady hand.    )    is that the kind of person you want fishing around through your guts ?    hell no.}    

_{but if you’re dead,  what does it really even matter ?}

_{“     yo,  careful,  doc.    might get yo’ ass canned from here too if you keep that shit up   –––   next thing i know,  you’re gonna be throwin’ someone’s  heart  against the wall like a wet paper towel.     ”    a light scoff.     “     whatever.    red bull tastes better anyways,  and  it gives you wings !     ”}

originalgrilla    _{*  bugs.}

_{‘     i’ll get’cha one of them,   uh    —    plastic badges,   right,   like from a cereal box ?    you been  elbow - deep  in my damn crunchberries so many times i’m surprised you ain’t  found  one already.     ’       when it really comes down to it,   he trusts her to make the right call.    hard  not to,   after everything that’s happened to her.    everything that  could have  killed her and didn’t.       ‘     i gotta bounce.    linden gets all  snitty  if she ain’t caffeinated so i gotta make a java run before we head out.    you need a ride somewhere ?     ’}

_{“     crunchberries make me a better crimefighter !    took a page outta yo’ book ‘n now i’m like  sherlock holmes  up in this bitch !     ”     grins at him,  pleased with herself after dropping that little nugget of mockery.     “     nah.    gotta find someone ‘fore it gets too late.     ”     adjusts the strap over her left shoulder and shifts the weight to her right,  one backward step taken in preparation to jet.     “     yo,  keep me in the loop.    i’m serious !     text me or somethin’.     ”}

freeguilt    _{*  q - tip.}

_{‘     —   my god.    where’s the  volume control  on this thing ?    you know,   you sound  just  like this chihuahua my neighbors had when i was about your age.    awful,   yappy  little creature.    never knew when to keep its mouth shut.    i feel like you can relate.     ’}

_{he doesn’t entirely  call off his dog.    he does,   however,   lift his hand to halt proceedings for the moment.    looks at her with mock disbelief like he’s never heard such unwarranted cruelty before in his life.}

_{‘     hey,   don’t take it out on him.    see,   look what you did   —   you hurt his feelings.    chief’s my best buddy !    isn’t that right,   big guy ?     ’     the most he gets is radio silence.     ‘     …  yeah,   he’s not much of a talker.     ’}

_{it’s less  crowding her in  and more crowding her towards the exit.    or making an attempt,   at least.    he’s not above having her thrown out by the scruff of that hoodie,   if he’s being completely honest with himself,   but here’s where things start to get a little  hard knock life  for this kid :  blaine isn’t fazed by much.    certainly not this,   although he’ll give credit where credit is due.    she’s putting in a real,   valiant effort.    good on her.}

_{he lets out a dramatically exaggerated noise that’s half groan,   half sigh.     ‘     am i giving off some kind of  mom  vibe here ?    is it the dye job ?    god,   i can’t even express to you how many times i’ve told my stylist  explicitly  to keep it natural.     ’}

_{brows quirk like inverted commas.}

_{‘     your friend’s out making deliveries.    i’ll get him on the phone,   if you  pinky swear  to skedaddle after you two catch up.     ’}

_{“     yeah ?    ‘n what’re you gonna do about it ?     ”}

_{meathead’s about to find out how hard she  bites.    dogs bare their teeth in a show of aggression to a potential threat and she’s no different.    spine straightens to make herself taller,  as if it’ll tip the scales back in her favour.    the man had to be just shy of seven feet tall    ––––    she can’t say she wasn’t  relieved  when deaux intervenes.}

_{so,  she doesn’t say anything.    just stares that douchebag dead in the eye,  barely breathing.    she doesn’t give a shit whose feelings are hurt and whose aren’t,  but has an inkling of suspicion that says  chief  isn’t really bothered.}

_{levels john’s gaze in a fixed stare,  jaw tight and hands balled into fists at her sides.    fighting the urge to skirt this seven foot obstacle and  deck him  on principle isn’t an easy feat.    she ought to be  congratulated  on how much restraint she’s showing.     “     nah,  you don’t wanna know what kinda  vibe  you’re givin’ off.     ”     pre - AVL felonius gru meets count olaf.}

_{he’s the kind of person she’d avoid crossing paths with on the streets.    partially because he  looks  like one of those men in their thirties desperate to stay relevant,  but mostly because of the  rumours  about those missing  kids  from helton shelter that were last seen at the skatepark.}

_{the same park that our  john deaux  hung around with the candyman.}

_{sneers,  taking a defiant step forward.     “     think i’ll wait here ‘till he gets back.    poochie’s one of them homies you gotta see face t’ face ‘cause he mumbles ‘n shit when he’s all doped up,  you feel me ?     ”}

_{she sidesteps around chief,  strolling leisurely past one of the displays like she’s looking to buy,  before stopping next to one with a dark mahogany finish and angles to see both chief and deaux,  a newly lit cigarette hanging from her mouth.     “     gotta love the  irony,  yo.    how much is this one goin’ for ?    le’me guess.    more than i can afford.     ”}

freeguilt    _{*  ravi.}

_{‘     oh,   i wish.    don’t be fooled by the great hair and shiny hemostatic dissection tools   —   it’s not all  glitz and glamour,   i can assure you.    did you know i used to work for the CDC ?     ’}

_{and was subsequently  sacked  from the CDC.    long story for another time.    true,   she never struck him as the  junkie  type,   but that’s not why he brought it up.    can’t be too careful anymore,   what with the growing zombie population   (   thank you,   blaine   )   and the formula for a cure not exactly progressing how he’d like.}

_{palms up to concede surrender,   he gravitates toward the break room as much to steer them away from the partially autopsied  corpse  as to fix a fresh cup of tea.}

_{‘     you’re right,   you’re right.    my apologies.    but while we’re on the subject,   i wouldn’t touch any  max rager  products with a ten - foot pole either.     ’}

_{“     p’ft.    those hemo - whatever tools ain’t impressin’ no one.    yo,  no shit ?    aw,  man,  that’s awesome !    did you quit ‘cause you found out they put the  cancer  virus in our vaccines ?    read an article ‘bout that.    ”}

_{reluctant to follow and still expecting to see that white sheet sink near the mouth region as the  cadaver  takes its first undead breath.    she jumps down from the top step and into the morgue,  glancing to the table as she passes.    wonders if that’s what kallie would have looked like.    quickly shakes the thought before it sours her mood.    bullet hovers in the doorway,  uncomfortable,  cold,  and moreover,  curious.}

_{“     oh,  now you’re just trippin’ !    their energy drinks are the  shizz,  f’ rilla !    heard about this one dude who went full - on  beast mode  after drinkin’ one of them !     ”}

_{“     why’re you worried about where i’m  from,  fool ?    what you  should  be worried about is someone puttin’ a bullet in yo’ q - tip lookin’ ass !     ”     and what  she  should be worried about is putting her foot in her mouth.    but she has a penchant for it.    can’t help herself.    it hurts more than it helps and you’d think she’d stop pushing her luck.}

_{crime bosses aren’t this lenient.    maybe in some alternate universe where bullet isn’t  bullet,  she’d high - tail it out of this funeral home.    instinct is telling her she can’t take on two men,  one of which is thrice her size.    she knows it’s right.    could end up dead before the night’s over.    is that a price she’s willing to pay ?    (    the answer is yes.    she doesn’t have many friends left and wants to  protect  the ones she does have.    if she doesn’t,  who else will ?    )}

_{“     i don’t give a rat’s ass what you think.     ”}

_{interjecting before he has the chance to finish.    a typical response from a sixteen year old girl.    one who just felt her heartbeat jump up and into her throat as movement near the archway caught her eye.    the man with the eyepatch moving towards her,  void of expression.}    

_{her voice is loud when she tells him to back off.     “     call off your fuckin’  dog,  you pussy !    what,  think you’re tough shit ‘cause you got this  meathead  doin’ all the heavy lifting ‘round here ?    some  kingpin  you are.    does he do all yo’ dry - cleaning,  too ?   ”    sneering,  gaze flitting from one  white - haired douchebag  to the next as she sidesteps,  refusing to be crowded in.     “     you still ain’t told me where he is,  ‘n i ain’t leavin’ ‘till you do.    nut up,  bitch !     ”}     //  @freeguilt,  cont.

skintheft    _{*  cody.}

          ‘ then you oughta know better than judgin off appearances, huh? ’  it smiles. it’s one of those secret smiles: not i have a secret that you don’t know but more we know things other people don’t, you and me, we got secrets.  ‘ i can take anyone. ’

_{“     yeah,  you right.     ”     it’s simple,  and she won’t read too far into it,  but she likes that cody can relate.    doesn’t find that  often,  at least not in other people.    people that look like cody.    hypocritical,  maybe,  but she doesn’t have a good track record with those outside her circle.     “     i’m holdin’ you to that if i ever need backup.    this one asshole tried crowdin’ me in an alley just the other day.    didn’t beat his ass but i did  knife  him.     ”     she leaves out the part where he gave the switchblade back to her two days later.}