_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     trippin’,   like,   them  runaway brows  are trippin’ ?    they’re goin’ so many directions not even a damn  compass  could set ‘em straight.     ’       he almost takes a dig at lyric,   but he figures she has her reasons for not bringing that up.       ‘     i know what i’m about.    ‘n i ain’t had no  complaints,   is all i’m sayin’.     ’}

_{she wasn’t ready for that clap - back.     ❛     yo,  you ain’t got a leg t’  stand  on,  captain hook.    light hits ya the wrong way ‘n y’ start lookin’ like a damn  pirate  with that  pinpoint chin  straight outta google maps !     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{he’s never been to juvie,   but there were more than a few close calls in the past.    close enough that liz had to tear him a new one.    a handful of overnight arrests,   run - ins with truant officers    —    he never made things easy.    never tried to lay all the blame on some  sob story,   either,   despite the option being readily available :   dad split,   mom gone half the time.    he sauntered through adolescence with a cigarette in his mouth and a chip on his shoulder ;   upwards of twenty years ago now,   and  hindsight  never did him any good.}

_{there isn’t a profound  life lesson  he’s trying to teach,   here,   not that he figures she’d be all that receptive to one if he were.    but so much has been taken out of her hands lately,   things as basic and fundamental as the freedom of  choice,   that he wants to give back what little he can.    this is  her  life.    these are her decisions to make,   not his,   not the court system’s    —}

_{‘     hey,   nobody’s sendin’ you back home if that ain’t where you wanna be.     ’}

_{it’ll be tough to sell that to a judge,   he knows :   unlike a lot of kids in her position,   she has two loving parents who would willingly take her back.    (   she ran.    and there’s a  reason  she ran,   and no one gets to tell her it wasn’t valid.    she’ll run again.    he doesn’t want to see her  disappear.   )}

_{‘     let’s just take it one step at a time.    hear what these fools gotta say on friday,   ‘n go from there.    i got your back,   alright ?    whatever happens,   we’re gonna figure this shit out.     ’}

_{it’s not that she doesn’t miss her parents.    she does.    but she doesn’t feel  guilty  for leaving them.    they don’t get it and she doesn’t expect them to,  but she wishes they’d stop  calling.    doesn’t want to hear her mother’s broken sobs in the background when her father is begging her to not hang up.    doesn’t want yet another  reiteration  of a promise she’s heard a thousand times.    doesn’t want to be cruel but feels like she’s left without much choice.}

_{her house isn’t a home and it hasn’t been for a long time but that isn’t the reason she’s out on the streets.    (    mother and father kept up appearances.    the picture perfect family with the exception of a runaway kid.    she wonders if they’re still telling people that their rachel is gone to  boarding school  out of state.    if they’ve made a shrine out of her bedroom in remembrance for the girl she  used  to be while pretending that who she  is,  doesn’t exist.    )    she ran because she didn’t belong.    because she felt displaced and out of sorts and  rejected,  bullied.}

_{because she had it figured out that some people didn’t need four walls and a roof over their head to be  happy  with their lives.    it’s a struggle every day,  but she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.    this is who she is.    isn’t going to let anyone,  least of all the courts,  invalidate  that.}

_{nods in agreement,  hands shoved in denim pockets.    feels a little better knowing he isn’t throwing her to the wolves just yet.    ❛     you ain’t gotta do this  ––  throw your fuckin’ life away for another  two years.    you don’t owe me shit.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     best brush me up on what kinda  bills  you been payin’,   thug life.     ’       feigned indignation as he shifts to lean against the chain - link,   arms folded,   weight braced comfortably on his left shoulder.       ‘     yo !    the hell you mean  low standards.    she is outta your  league,   son.     ’}

_{❛     bite me !    ain’t even  legal  t’ be workin’ at my age unless you got three hour shifts.     ❜     she knows because she  checked  online,  just out of curiosity.    takes a bite of the sandwich and washes it down with hot cocoa.     ❛     if she’s outta mine,  then she’s outta yours !    what,  she dig yo’  molester ‘stache ?    girl must be trippin’.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     so you were gettin’ yo’  thievin’ hands  all up in my  crunchberries,   too ?    p’ft    —    whatever.    i ain’t  paid  her ‘cause she ain’t  SELLIN’.    i got  standards,   li’l man.     ’}

_{❛     didn’t see yo’  name  on the box !     ❜     using her knapsack as a cushion,  she settles down comfortably and takes a sip of the hot chocolate,  free hand still holding onto a half - unwrapped mcmuffin.     ❛     ‘n they  hella  low standards,  too.    i’m just bein’ real,  yo.    no offence.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     gettin’ your  sleuth  on,   now ?    alright,   i feel you.    but one date don’t mean we’re  datin’    —    you  know  i ain’t got time for that.     ’}

_{fair assumption.     ❛     wasn’t  like  that,  asswipe.    it was ten in the mornin’ ‘n i was havin’ me a bowl of  cap’n crunch  on the couch,  watchin’ animal planet,  then out comes this chick lookin’ like she  just finished  filmin’ a damn  porno,  yo !    so ?    how much’d you pay her ?     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     well seein’ as how i don’t  got  one    —    you try’na tell me there’s a new  honey  you been eyeballin’ on the sly ?    oh,   SNAP.    bullet’s got  game.     ’}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     that’s just how i  roll,   playa !    say it a little louder for the haters in the back.     ’       there’s more,   in the form of  hot chocolate    —    promptly handed over.       ‘     you stayin’ outta trouble ?     ’}

_{a quiet scoff,  more than half - amused.    takes the cup with the same hand holding the bag,  then  swaps  hands for sole convenience.     ❛     you’re an idiot    ––––    ‘n i ain’t done nothin’ t’ be gettin’ in trouble  for  ‘cept bangin’ yo’ lady.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     yo,   bullet    —     ’       he tosses her a paper bag,   folded over at the top,   its contents still warm :   hash browns and two bacon - egg - and - cheese breakfast sandwiches.       ‘    think fast.    ’       @junkyardteen.}

_{❛     –––––     !     ❜     she has good reflexes.    catches the bag one - handed and unfolds it,  eager  to get food in her system this morning.     ❛     you the  bomb,  bugs !     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{the kind she probably won’t like,   because  none of them  offer an immediate way out.    linden is more equipped to have this conversation,   if he’s being honest with himself :   she knows the system from years of firsthand experience.    she’s been where bullet is.    holder,   who always managed to dodge CPS and the DCSS by a hairsbreadth    (   he has his sister to thank for that   )    is at a disadvantage.    but he knows what’ll happen if she runs,   now that she’s on the radar.}

_{juvie.    foster care.    rinse,   repeat.}

_{‘     look,   just    —    hear me out,   alright ?     ’}

_{a twitch of his shoulders,   weight shifting,   he can never quite  master the art  of standing still.}

_{‘     you got like,   two years left ‘til you’re clear of this circus.    but until  then,   somebody else’s gotta take responsibility    —    even if it’s just on paper,   you know,   give ‘em somethin’ to show a judge.    now,   i can do that,   if mom ‘n pops ain’t at the top of your list,   and most of what we got goin’ won’t change.    but the ball’s in your court,   li’l man.    don’t be makin’ any big decisions yet,   just,   uh    —    give it some thought,   is all.     ’}

_{she’s  been  to juvie.    one month felt more like twelve with around-the-clock supervision and officers on standby,  telling you what to do and when to do it,  where to eat your meals and what time you’re allowed to shit it back out.    privileges revoked just for having a voice,  privacy  invaded.    and forget about comfort.    nobody gives a damn about your bad back or headaches or period cramps.    nobody gives a damn about your  personal boundaries,  either.}

_{imagines a group home to be similar.    too many kids,  all in one place.    too many rules and too many  adults  abusing their authority over the troubled youth.    for what ?    the sole purpose of making your life miserable ?    as if it wasn’t already.    knowing  bullet,  she’ll just dig her heels in and make it worse.    violate the terms of her probation and get sent back to juvenile detention.}

_{providing they ever find her.    the kid’s resourceful.    knows how to  disappear  if she wants to.    needs  to.}

_{❛     ain’t goin’ back home.     ❜     stated clearly,  without a shred of hesitation.    he tells her not to make that decision right now but she does it anyway,  only to  backpedal  and give it second thought.    most  of what we got.    indicating that there  will  be  change.    but it’s better than being buried in the system until she’s eighteen,  isn’t it ?}

_{❛     i wanna do my own  thing.    like i’ve  been  doin’ for three years.    don’t want nobody makin’ me go to doctors appointments or takin’ me to the  dentist.    don’t want no stupid - ass  curfews  or …  whatever the hell else.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA.}

_{‘     i think it’s a little more complicated than just fillin’ out a form.    you gotta file a petition,   sign an affidavit,   go to court    —    and they look into  everything,   i mean,   you gotta have  all  your shit handled.    gotta be financially stable,   goin’ to school,   blah,   blah.    plus,   they’re gonna want you t’  prove  it’s your only option.    like,   you know    —    like by  not  granting emancipation,   you’d be put in harm’s way ‘n whatnot.    probably get’cha for fraud if you lie about it.     ’}

_{he can see the appeal,   in theory,   but nothing is ever so simple.    she’s turning sixteen in a couple of weeks ;    two years after that and she’ll be a legal adult.    two years that might feel more like two  DECADES  from where she’s standing.    what she’s asking for is a quick fix,   a way to keep doing exactly what she’s doing with no one but herself to answer to,   and a  quick fix  doesn’t exist.    (   she still doesn’t trust him.    not completely.    he gets that,   too.    it won’t keep him from trying to earn back that trust,   no matter how long it takes.   )}

_{there’s no edge in his tone,   no subtext.    what you see is what you get.}

_{‘     yo,   if that’s what you really want,   i’ll sign what i gotta sign.    but,   uh,   now might be a good time to start lookin’ at the alternatives,   you feel me ?     ’}

_{she doesn’t ask  ‘ what’s an affidavit ’  because she thinks it must be just common knowledge.    has a general  idea  but nothing concrete,  nothing  definitive,  which says a lot about the  extent  of her understanding.    weight shifts from foot to foot,  a sharp breath drawn through the nose as her gaze dips and then rises.    of  course  they’re going to make it as difficult as possible to earn your freedom.}

_{why wouldn’t they ?}

_{❛     what the hell are you  talkin’  about ?    what kinda alternatives ?     ❜}

_{before  beacon home  was shut down,  runaways were discovering new options.    emancipation and housing with a small deposit of two - hundred dollars    (    which seemed like a fortune to kids who sold their own  asses  for fifteen bucks per date.    )    bullet never entertained them because she was content to be on the streets.    her probation officer stressed the importance of short and long term goals,  but all of that was just  noise  to a fifteen year old who enjoyed the day by day challenge.}