_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     beacon.    her mom’s place.    the hotel,   where she made that,   uh.    that tape you watched.    mama dips said she was cussin’ up a  storm  in the parkin’ lot    —    that’s the last anybody saw her.     ’       a long pull of smoke.       ‘     must’ve grabbed her up after she left.     ’}

_{it’s twenty bucks for a room at that shit - hole motel.    kallie probably thought the killer was a john,    a way to make some easy cash.    somewhere between that night and the next week or so,   she ended up in a biohazard bag at the bottom of a lake.    he swallows thickly,   dares to glance up,   grimacing  at the sight of busted knuckles.    blood on the exterior wall    —    not a lot,   but enough.}

_{anger is an anesthetic.    but it’ll wear off,   and she’ll still hurt,   and kallie will still be dead.    there’s  NOTHING  he can say to make it right.}

_{you feel better now ?}

_{‘     –––––––    you want me to drive you back ?     ’}

_{the tape.     (     are you a virgin ?     )     the tape goldie had in his apartment,  where she  thought  she had heard someone crying,  locked inside one of his rooms.     (     why are you crying,  little girl ?     )     maybe it was kallie inside the room that night.    just not in the way she expected.}

_{❛     goldie was playing it the night i was there.    must have been watching it.    sick bastard  probably got off on seein’ her like that.    kallie wasn’t one of his girls.    twitch said he always wanted to stick it t’ her.     ❜}

_{the air sours,  expression hardening.    talking about goldie was like rubbing  salt  in an open wound.    one that never heals and continues to ache no matter how you tend to it,  or how you don’t.    she almost feels ashamed thinking about what he did to her that night.    has to snuff out the cigarette against the bottom sole of her boot because she can taste the bile rising in her throat.}

_{❛     …  i got two legs.    i can walk.    don’t need you drivin’ me around like some  chauffeur  from the hood.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     hey,   yo    —    bullet !    hold up !     ’       he’s three paces behind her when she collides with reddick,   of all people ;   doesn’t linger,   just ducks past his ex - partner before the man can get out more than an exasperated  jesus christ,   holder.    by the time he hits the exit and steps outside,   he’s expecting her to be halfway down the block.    she’s not.    he has  no idea  what to say    —    how to explain that this was never impersonal,   that kallie never left the aft of his mind.    the way his stomach dropped at the sight of that earring.    i wanted to tell you.    it doesn’t count for shit.    he lights a cigarette,   offers the bic.    says nothing.}

_{knuckles split on impact.    blood stipples the masonry and there’s sharp,  shooting pains running lengthwise from wrist to elbow that she can’t shake out.    fuck.    the skin burns when she reaches into her pocket,  withdrawing a crooked cigarette,  the tobacco inside loose and flaking out.    it doesn’t matter.    she’ll light up regardless,  taking one drag after another until it’s nearly halfway finished.}

_{she looks at her hand,  counting  the number of times kallie had taken her by the arm and inspected the damage despite bullet’s refusal to admit she’d been angry over something so small and meaningless.    wonders how she would react now if she’d known about her wrist.    how it’s still tender.}

_{her vision blurs,  but she doesn’t allow herself to cry.    not here,  not on the street.    not even in private.}

_{❛     …  what happened to her ?    that night.    where’d she go ?     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     i didn’t think  bringin’ that up  while you were in a  hospital  bed all doped up on morphine was the way to go.    we still got a morgue full of dead kids we ain’t ID’d yet    —    you think this shit’s easy ?    huh ?    you think i  WANTED  to find her like that ?     ’       he straightens up,   circles the desk and drops the file on top of it,   palming an unshaven jawline.       ‘     should’ve told you sooner.    at least we  got  the son of a bitch.     ’}

_{no,  she doesn’t.    but she’s  hurt  and can’t understand an impersonal perspective.    but maybe she shouldn’t have expected so much from homicide detectives.    kallie was just another dead body,  fresh out of the morgue and rotting six feet underground to them.     ❛     the  hell  does that matter ?    it don’t change nothin’.     sure as shit ain’t makin’ me feel better.    so who you sayin’ it for ?     ❜     out of her seat and looking him in the eye,  the deep scarring across her throat visible from beneath the collars of layered shirts.    she leaves before he can get another word in edgewise,  spitting a curse to another detective who knocks into her on the way out.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     ain’t  enough  cases like that.     ’       police work and paperwork are often synonymous,   but it’s something to be thankful for when things are cut and dried,   no bureaucratic red tape.    as  unlike  rosie larsen or the pied piper as possible.}

_{he almost starts to press her for more intel,   then stops himself.    beat  isn’t the same as  killed.}

_{not that bullet would snitch either way.}

_{the mention of pastor mike is what prompts him to light another cigarette.    there’s still  so much  that she doesn’t know    —    about beacon’s former padre,   about the man who put her in that trunk.    about kallie.    she was in a  coma  when they pulled those bodies out of the water and he knows how  PISSED  she’ll be that he didn’t tell her as soon as she woke up.    there’s no  right time.    there’s never a right time.}

_{‘     –––––    oh,   snap !    you  boutta’  be eatin’ celery sticks ‘n cottage  cheese  for breakfast,   li’l man.     ’}

_{❛     you ever had a case y’ couldn’t crack ?    one of them cold cases or whatever.     ❜     she’s been watching a lot of television.    animal planet,  mostly,  but channel - surfing is a decent alternative when  my cat from hell  plays its third rerun and  dr. dee :  alaska vet  isn’t on until late.}

_{in other words,  crime shows and bizarre documentaries on cold case files have piqued her interest,  even though she thinks some are lacking  authenticity.    law and order  makes the job look too easy.}

_{gaze narrows,  observant of every little detail.    doesn’t like the look on his face,  or that he seems to be holding out on her and biding his time.     (     she hates being the last to know about something,  or anything at all.     )     but instead of outright asking,  bullet throws a curveball and chooses to  ignore it.    she can harass him about it later.}

_{❛     yeah,  ‘n you’re gonna be eatin’ all yo’ meals through a damn straw if you come anywhere near me with some nasty ass cottage cheese  !    c’mon,  man,  quit trippin’ ‘n jus’ fix me somethin’.    i don’t care  what  it is.     ❜}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     couple weeks before you woke up.     ’       say it straight,   even if it pisses her off    —    that’s always been the best policy.    not that it soothes the sting,   but he’s never been one for using kid gloves.    linden’s better at that  bedside manner  shit than he is.    he leans against the edge of the desk,   fidgeting with the case file in his hands,   gaze angled towards her.       ‘     you okay ?    smoke,   if you want.    nobody’s gotta know.     ’}

_{and there it is.    anger     (     something real and raw and unforgiving     )     boiling in her veins,  white hot.    he isn’t the pied piper and kallie’s blood isn’t on his hands,  but the way she  looked  at him could have convinced anyone of the opposite.     ❛    ‘n you didn’t think t’  bring that up ?    that you  found  her …  that you found my  best friend  in some kinda     –––––     ❜     the cut - off is abrupt and decidedly for the better,  lest she scream herself hoarse.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     pulled some more bodies out of the lake,   and    —    kallie was one of ‘em.    think she’d been down there a while.     ’       doesn’t matter if she already  knew :   no amount of resignation or resolve can prepare someone for that excruciating moment when it all becomes  REAL.       ‘     if,   uh    —    if you wanna see her,   you know.    i can find out where she’s buried.     ’       a long,   tense silence.       ‘     ’m sorry.     ’}

_{she expected to  feel  something.    sadness.    overbearing grief.    something other than  numb.    something real and raw and unforgiving,  or at least something  human.    maybe she doesn’t notice it at first,  but her hands start to tremble as pulls a cigarette from behind her ear.    you can’t smoke in here.    she swallows thickly.     ❛     when did you find her body ?     ❜     her voice sounds childlike and small.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     yo,   linden’s my bff.    that’s  all inclusive.    we share  everything.     ’       banter cut short when the file drops,   and he’s out of his seat to snag it before bullet can see more than she already has.    he grasps to find the words,   coming up short.    weight shifts uncomfortably.       ‘     yeah,   listen    —    there’s,   uh.    somethin’ you should know.    about kallie.     ’}

_{a breath into asking who the girl is when he confiscates both file and photo.    the tension sets her on edge,  exacerbating the fear that she’s been harbouring all this time,  concealed and never spoken of.     (     kallie is dead.    she knows in heart and soul.    but she had faith.    a sliver of hope that says,  maybe she survived,  like you did.     )     there’s a visible shred of hesitation before she looks at him,  waiting for him to deliver the final blow.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     slim pickens,   bullet.    get’cha damn feet off my case files.     ’       kallie’s autopsy report is buried somewhere in their midst.    maybe that’s why he can’t quite sit still.       ‘     anybody,   uh    —    anybody on your block talkin’ about her ?     ’}

_{❛     ain’t this  linden’s  desk ?    ain’t got no jurisdiction over here,  homie.    stay in yo’ lane.     ❜     indignant,  she keeps her feet up,  crossed at the ankles,  paying no mind to the files beneath them until  one  slips off and down to the floor.     ❛     nah.    jus’ rumours ‘n stuff.    shit   –––   my bad.    didn’t mean t’ do that.     ❜     regrets picking up the notes when she glimpses an  autopsy  photo,  and morbidly wonders if that would have been  her.}

_{ORIGINALGRILLA :   bugs.}

_{‘     you come all the way down here for ‘em dusty - ass vending machines,   ‘n you ain’t even got funyuns ?     ’}

_{❛     nah     –––––     all you guys got is stupid  off - brand shit  that tastes like  soap.    besides,  lay’s  is where it’s at.    original,  salt ‘n vinegar,  barbecue…  kallie liked them sour cream ‘n onion ones.     ❜     she drops down into the chair opposite of him,  boots kicked up onto the desk and sprinkling small clots of  dirt  from the soles.}

_{❛     this  crap  ain’t worth  seventy - five cents.    i want my money back,  f’real.     ❜}     @originalgrilla